Up to my Ears in Fashion Felonies – Smackdown Live Recap – May 16, 2017

Smackdown was live from Manchester, New Hampshire last night, because yes, New Hampshire is apparently large enough to have more than one city with an arena.  I was shocked too.  I just assumed it was Concord or you were in a different state.  Anywho….

Main Event Opening Segment

The Show kicked off tonight with Kevin Owens who now runs The Highlight Reel.  He talked trash about AJ Styles, so that drew AJ from the back, and AJ has a match against Jinder tonight, who was supposed to be THR’s guest.  They jump into the opening match, AJ vs Jinder, which probably should have been a main event match, but with Randy Orton taking on Baron Corbin tonight, I guess they’re bookending the episode.

This match did three things well:

  • Gave Kevin Owens a chance to be great, yet again, in this character he’s put together while participating on the commentary desk.
  • Make AJ look resilient and Jinder look strong, even if Jinder never seems to win without help.
  • Kevin Owens interferes with a title belt shot to AJ’s knee, giving an “injury” angle for them to use on Sunday when they let Kevin Owens beat AJ Styles.  I know, and I chose the phrase “let Kevin Owens beat AJ Styles” intentionally, because there’s no world in which AJ Styles would not maul Kevin Owens.

The Meat and Potatoes

  • Episode Three of The Fashion Police did not disappoint.  I don’t know what “Day One is H” means either.
  • Breezango vs Puerto Rican Tourism Board – This was a decent match, even if I only like 1/2 of the people involved.  Breezango with another build up win for their title shot.  We get more dumb ass trash talking from The Usos.  I freaking hate those guys.  Jeremy and Michele decided last night that The Usos come across as a Key and Peele skit of pro wrestlers.  They desperately need to drop those belts and disappear.  This is stupid.
  • Paperwork:  Shane O’Mac is in the house (as it’s barely a stones throw from his house) to sign the contract for the 6 Woman Tag Match because in the land of opportunity, your opportunity comes when you’re all crammed into the ring at one time, so you better do the best you can with what little you’re given.  Sunday at Backlash, Naomi, Becky and Charlotte will take on Tamina, Carmella and Natalya.  Can we not waste time with contracts and just let Becky beat the hell out of Ellsworth already?  All three of the faces got an individual entrance (and yes, it does feel weird to call Charlotte a face) while The Welcoming Committee all came out to Natalya’s theme.  They also all got to speak individually, while the other team just stood behind Natalya.  This is kind of ridiculous.  Ellsworth got a microphone for some reason, and it wasn’t pretty.  6 women, so let’s have a singles match.
  • Carmella vs Naomi:  Naomi stayed pretty well in control of this one.  Ellsworth got ejected from ringside at some point.  Naomi dabbed and I instantly wanted Carmella to win this one clean.  Carmella faked that she was going to run away through the crowd and when Naomi gave chase to the barricade, she ate a superkick.  Tamina and Natalya were also ejected from ringside, which I didn’t really see why.  They attacked Naomi’s partners outside, creating enough of a distraction for a roll-up.  Carmella wins via roll-up.  It wasn’t clean, but it was sort of ok and almost made up for the dab.
  • Dolph Ziggler cuts another anti-Nakamura promo.  I’ll kind of be glad when they get past this match because I’m burnt out on his whining about being better than everyone else but nobody respecting him.
  • Sami Zayn cuts a backstage promo about Baron Corbin being a bully, so naturally he gets jumped by Baron Corbin.  Look for Zayn to interfere in the match when Corbin takes on Orton next.
  • Randy Orton vs Baron Corbin:  This looked more like two dudes bickering in a bar for a while.  You know the guys, they push back and forth but neither of them wants to take it outside, they just want the other to back down.  After a commercial break, they actually took the fight outside.  Corbin really had his way with Orton for a long while in this one.  They’re going to give him a title shot sooner than later.  He’s been so good for the last year I can sort of see him leapfrogging to at least the front of the heap for the US Title.  He should shave his head though, because 1) his hair is nasty and 2) it would help hide his balding.  I mean, look at Orton.  He needs to work on his trash talk though, as after a slam his trash was “That’s why I’m hurting you.”  In their ongoing effort to get back to it only taking one RKO to win (because remember, Brock Lesnar took two or three including one through the announcers table before he got back up and felt the need to bust Orton open), Orton came out of nowhere to hit an RKO and get the win.  Randy Orton with the RKO and Pinfall.  
  • Jinder Mahal comes out to talk crap, the Singh Brothers sneak up behind him.  Orton fights back long enough, but when he goes for the double DDT through the ropes, Mahal would get the better of him and the three would beat on him.  It was one of those moments where you expected a friend to help save Orton.  Where was a tag team that has nothing going on to come out and attack the Singh brothers?  Or where the hell is someone like Mojo to just help to be a good dude?  I always have questions.

Not a bad episode, not the best of episodes.  Good matches throughout, especially that tag match that will probably fly under the radar and was quickly shit upon by the appearance of lesser Key and Peele.