The Fatal Problem – A Raw Recap for 5/15/17

Tonight’s Raw comes to us from The Rock in Newark, New Jersey.  No, the Great One is not personally hosting this from his mansion.  Besides, it’s probably in Miami anyway.  The Rock is just the name of the arena.

The Fatal Problem

Apparently Braun Strowman’s elbow/shoulder was shattered and will be out for, like, 6 months.  I personally believe he’ll be back for Great Balls of Fire, but what do I know.  When he does return, you should just hear him offscreen say, “I’m not finished with you yet!” before careening into frame knocking over his victim, most likely Roman Reigns.

This leaves us with a problem.  Now we need a new #1 contender for the Universal Championship match with Braun on the bench.  Never fear, Kurt Angle is here to solve the problem.  He announces first ever Fatal Five Way Extreme Rules Match.  Seth Rollins, Samoa Joe, Bray Wyatt, Finn Bálor, and Roman Reigns will be battling it out for the top spot to get destroyed by Brock in July.

Before Kurt can leave, Roman shows up to yell at Kurt…because he’s upset that he didn’t automatically get a title shot?  He’s being kind of a dick to Angle for no good reason.  Also, you’re the reason we’re in this mess, Roman.

Bálor shows up to set the record straight.  He never lost the title.  Yadda yadda.  And Joe is here to deliver results.  And Bray shows up to tell us that the Beast approaches.  And Seth shows up because he’s tired of talking.  He just wants to fight Samoa Joe.

How does this segment end?  Well, it’s a pro wrestling show guys.  Bedlam erupts like it always does and before the commercial break, Finn clears the ring of everyone else and stands tall.

Not that you should think logically about pro wrestling, but do you find it odd that they never seem to be in a commercial break when a match ends?  I’m sure Nitro did it back in the day, but it probably wasn’t on purpose.

Anyway, Kurt wasn’t too happy about the turn of events.  He’s booked those 5 guys, except Joe, in various matches this evening.  The biggest surprise is that Seth Rollins has never fought Bray Wyatt in a singles match.

Fool’s Gold

I knew something was going to happen when we were treated to a full “What’s Up” performance.  We don’t ever get that anymore.  And we won’t ever again.

After costing The Golden Truth a win during the tag team turmoil match last week, it appeared Golddust has had enough.  He attacked an unsuspecting Truth laying him out in the ring.  And continued to beat down Truth for an uncomfortable amount of time after.  The goofy smile has disappeared.  We are back to the Golddust of old, the vicious weirdo.

Where do we go from here?  I’m actually interested to see where this goes.

The Matches

  • Jeff Hardy takes down Sheamus in a singles match.  Before hitting a Swanton Bomb to secure the pinfall, Matt Hardy ate two Brogue kicks on the apron while trying to help out his brother.  Not sure if that will come back later.  I don’t even want to speculate if that contributes to the #Broken condition.  Probably not.
  • Alisha Fox defeats Sasha Banks via pinfall.  Apparently, Alicia’s boyfriend, Noam Dar, petitioned for a rematch after the semi-botched double knee-pin from last week where Alicia Fox’s right shoulder lifted before the 3-count.  Perhaps it’s punishment for the Boss for the poor coverage?  Either way, Foxy looks strong tonight and secures the win.
  • Intercontinental Championship Match: The Miz wins via DQ.  After Dean stops a low blow from The Miz, he delivers a swift kick to the balls to lose by DQ.  I’m sure we’ll get another match at Extreme Rules, perhaps with a stipulation.
    Yep.  Backstage, Miz demands a rematch at Extreme Rules where the title can change on a DQ.  Kurt Angle grants it.
  • Neville and TJP defeat Austin Aries and Jack Gallagher via Pinfall.  TJP pins Gallagher after a Detonation Kick.  I’m loving the mean streak from TJP.  It’s quite possibly the best match of the night.
  • Roman Reigns defeats Finn Bálor via pinfall after a thunderous spear.  I think it’s an odd choice to have Roman go over on a night where the WWE Network debuts their Finn Bálor WWE 24 documentary.  I guess I should have known it was coming when Finn took down Roman in the opening segment.  Again, an odd choice to make your top face.  Does anyone ever get the feeling that we’re being played and that Vince’s intentions with Roman aren’t as transparent as we all believe?
  • Big Cass pins Titus O’Neal following a Big Boot.  Titus thought the match was supposed to be between Enzo and his client, Enzo Amore.  He was wrong.  It was actually between him and Big Cass.  He looked like an idiot in his suit.  This is one of the few times Titus actually amused me.  I call that a win for the Titus Brand!
  • Seth Rollins wins by DQ when Samoa Joe attacks Seth at ringside.  Bray and Joe work together to attack Seth in the ring…until Bray turns on Joe as well.  Sister Abigails for everyone!  It actually

Everything Else

  • After a vicious kendo stick attack from Alexa Bliss to Bayley, Kurt announces a kendo stick on a pole match.  What does that even mean?!?
  • Bray Wyatt is pretty much convinced that he’s the one to take down Brock Lesnar at Great Balls of Fire.

Final Thoughts

This Raw proved my thoughts about last week, that the UK Raw really didn’t matter.  This was a lot stronger and was a lot of fun.  You’d be forgiven if you thought that this week’s Raw was the “go home” show.  I’m sure the “go home” will be garbage though, so remember this one.  Hold it close to your heart.