The Dark Match is Southbound Part 2 – Wrestlemania 33 Predictions

Orlando’s Citr…Camping World Stadium is the home of Wrestlemania 33, presented by Snickers and hosted by The New Day, live Sunday, April 2, 2017.  Let’s jump right into this card.

2017 Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Matt:  As much as I want to pick Mojo, I’m going with a surprise here.  The Drifter Elias Samson is going to win the Andre, get a massive push, and be Heavyweight Champion by the close of 2018, unfortunately.

Jeremy:  After the monster year he’s had, I think it’s only right for Braun to win this.  They’ll tease Mojo and several others, but it’s BRAAAAAUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNN.

Enzo and Cass vs Cesaro and Sheamus vs Gallows and Anderson in a Ladder Match for the Raw Tag Team Championship

Matt:  As much as I don’t want Gallows and Anderson to drop these belts just yet, it’s time they put gold (silver) on Enzo and Cass.  They clearly sell sh**loads of merch, they get huge pops, and the damn show is in Orlando.  I see a bunch of the NXT darlings getting pushes on this card.  Enzo and Cass simply because of Orlando.

Jeremy:  Enzo and Cass literally and figuratively climb the ladder for the Raw Tag Team Championships.  It might be one of the best Weestlemania moments of the night and it’s on the preshow.

Austin Aries vs Neville for the Cruiserweight Championship

Matt:  This match is going to be absolutely awesome.  Let me sidebar here, if you didn’t watch 205 Live where Neville and Mustafa Ali wrestled (March 21), go back and watch that match.  The Cruiserweight division is simply overloaded with talent.  I don’t think they should be limited to Raw, or they should be given more time on Raw, because there are far too many of them and more just pouring in and not enough screen time to give them.  A Double is your new Cruiserweight Champion.

Jeremy: I want Neville to retain but I can’t deny the electrifying path that Aries has blazed over the last few months.  That injury is the best thing that ever happened to him.  The king is dead.  Long live the king.  Austin Aries is your new Cruiserweight Champion.

Alexa Bliss defends the Smackdown Women’s Championship in a poorly explained Gauntlet-ish (maybe?) style match against any woman who draws breath on the Smackdown roster

Matt:  Yeah, the title I gave this one pretty much sums it up.  If Naomi is cleared, she leaves with this belt.  I wouldn’t be surprised if they bring in a surprise competitor to take this one, internet rumors are Asuka, but I don’t even think we go NXT here.  I’m going to go with another wild card prediction and say AJ Lee is the new Smackdown Women’s Champion.

Jeremy:  I’m pretty sure Matt might have smoked some crazy Florida meth to think that AJ Lee is going to win this.  This is a going to be an opportunity for another Wrestlemania moment.  I think Naomi is going to win this and we’re going to feel the glow on the giant WM stage.

Dean Ambrose vs Baron Corbin for the Intercontinental Championship

Matt:  There’s still a few days, but I really want this match to get some sort of a hardcore gimmick.  I’m burnt out on Ambrose’s move set, but that’s no surprise to anyone who reads this site ever.  I do love Corbin, but I think they need to let Ambrose have the match he wanted last year with a younger guy that’s willing to take bumps to put on a show.  Baron Corbin is the new Intercontinental Champion

Jeremy:  Bryan is going to show up and make this a street fight, perhaps after Corbin immediately loses by DQ.  It’s going to be a crazy match and I expect Ambrose to get some color.  Ambrose is better when he’s chasing the title.  I hope he loses to Corbin and we have a NEEEEEEWWWWW INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION!!!

John Cena and Nikki Bella vs The Miz and Maryse (Mixed Tag)

Matt:  Generally, I would just put Cena’s name and walk away happy with my choice.  I’m still picking Cena here, but seriously, Miz has been on absolute fire for almost a year now.  I think the deciding factor in this one will be the ladies, as there’s no way they’re going to let Maryse go over Bella.  My other concern with my choice is that Cena is going to take some time off between Mania and Summerslam, and it would make for some fire promos if Miz could start saying he not only beat Cena, but ran him out of the WWE.  Still, Cena.

Jeremy: Cena and Bella are going to win this.  Nicki is going to get engaged.  Beyond that, Mia is going to enter the World a title scene in the new year.  He’s elevated the IC.  He’s ready to be a top guy.

Chris Jericho vs Kevin Owens for the United States Championship

Matt:  This one is sort of a no brainer.  It is well known that Jericho is leaving for an extended period for a lengthy Fozzy tour, so there is no way they let the belt leave with him.  KO gets the belt, the feud to follow will be one of the NXT call ups.  Kevin Owens

Jeremy:  KO Mania II, the one where Kevin actually wins.  I love this build.  The Festival of Friendship will be shown at Jericho’s Hall of Fame.  He’s been a catch phrase machine like the Rock was I’m the Attitude Era.  This will be a great match.

Bayley vs Charlotte vs Sasha Banks vs Nia Jax in a Fatal Four Way for the Raw Women’s Championship

Matt:  Bayley retains.  She ain’t dropping that belt in Orlando.  Might as well call this one BayleyMania.  I’d actually buy a shirt of the little Bayley stick figure hugging the Wrestlemania Logo.  Bayley.  I’ll go one step further, and she gets the win over Sasha.

Jeremy:  Bayley retains.  Charlotte is going out first, then Nia, then Sasha.

AJ Styles vs Shane McMahon

Matt:  Shane will have his trademark big spots but they are not letting him leave with a win here.  Phenomenal One

Jeremy:  AJ Styles for the win after a Spinal Tap.  He doesn’t do the Spinal Tap because he has to.  He does it because he wants to do the big spot this year.

The Undertaker vs Roman Reigns

Matt:  Let’s keep this brief so I don’t get too worked up.  Roman

Jeremy:  Roman.  The Deadman is going out on his back, like all legends do in their final match.

Goldberg vs Brock Lesnar for the Universal Championship

Matt:  No matter what happens here, I am driving to Orlando with one goal, to bring home the WWE Universal Championship.  Of course, I’ll have to pay for mine because I think Brock Lesnar would eat me alive.  Honestly though, I think everyone is expecting Brock to win, but I think they throw us a curveball.  I think Goldberg has already come to terms to hang around for a while.  And it’s going to mean more for someone to take the belt off Goldberg, I feel like, if he’s built up as just completely emasculating Lesnar.  Big Bill vs The Demon?  Goldberg

Jeremy:  I’m going to keep this one short, like I expected the match to be.  Lesnar.  I’d like to be wrong.

Bray Wyatt vs Randy Orton for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

Matt:  I make most of my predictions based on how I would prefer for storyline to go.  You’re reading this, which means you’re well aware that the storylines the fans hope for are very, very rarely what the company actually force feeds us.  I want Bray Wyatt to retain.  Bray has had everything taken away from him by Randy.  His most trusted compatriot in Luke Harper hates him.  Randy burned his weird shack down, which makes you wonder what he does with all his WWE Champion money.  For those that don’t remember, Erick Rowan moved Sister Abigail a while back.  He posted that super creepy Twitter video where he was carrying a bodybag.  This match goes for a while, the lights go out, then Sister Abigail (Paige’s return? Nikki Cross call up?) and Rowan are standing in the ring behind Wyatt.  Leave this belt where it is for a while.  Let Wyatt return to being a legitimate Face of Fear by actually letting him win consistently at PPVs and hold on to his title for a lengthy run.  Bray Wyatt

Jeremy:  I going to go with The Viper. Do I have a particular reason?  No.  Just a feeling.  I think this match has a lot of bells and whistles.  I expect Luke Harper to do something, either for or against Wyatt.  The is could be great or it could be really forgettable.

Seth Rollins vs Triple H

Matt:  I put this last here because this is my main event for a number of reasons.  It’s going to be a great match.  The build has been absolutely epic.  Triple H entrance, I don’t have to embellish on that.  And if the Demon is going to be on this show anywhere, I see it coming here.  Seth Rollins’ logo is already a crosshair, that’s only a half step from being a Bullet Club shirt.  Seth Rollins

Jeremy:  Like last year, we know Haitch’s opponent is going to win.  What makes this different is the story.  The video package for this is outstanding.  The have an almost 3-year storyline leading up to this thing.  It’s my main event, even if it started the preshow.


Matt:  This is a stout card.  Some of these potentially great matches are going to get shortchanged to make room for unnecessary recap packages and stupid musical guests.  As long as The Rock doesn’t waste 2 hours of screen time with a dumb ass flamethrower it should turn out ok though.  Give the women, both matches, plenty of screen time, especially since you’ve crammed both women’s divisions into two matches on a card of 13.  Do not let another Goldberg-Lesnar match where the entrances are ten times as long as the match itself main event the biggest show of the year.  I’m gonna need The Demon here somewhere.

Jeremy:  This card could potentially be one of the greats. My only worry is that expectations are too high and it falls flat on its face.  I think that’s an unfounded fear.  Royal Rumble and Survivor Series were both fantastic.  I expect this to be the same.