Wrestlemania 32: Match Card, Predictions, Dream Scenarios

Welcome to Wrestlemania Week.  Now, barring any sort of tragic accidents to Sami Zayn at TakeOver, it looks like the card is set and we’re looking at a big one.  For all the talk about how the card is crap and its all because of the injuries, I really don’t see it.  There is a lot of talent on this card, and some big matches.  I mean, look no further than the No Holds Barred Street Fight.  Think back a year or two ago, would you have ever imagined 1) that Dean Ambrose would shoot through the ranks into the WWE Title picture since last Wrestlemania or 2) that we’d get Dean Ambrose, the wiry little lunatic fringe, taking on the Beast Incarnate?  We’ve also had the phenomenal opportunity in the past year to watch this Women’s (again, I don’t like using Divas except in the case of “The Total Divas” as a team name in match one) Division just explode.  Now you get a powerhouse of a match coming from three absolutely stellar female athletes.  While bringing Shane back was likely some sort of audible when they got word Cena has finally run out of the super serum that gets him back in the ring 4 days after open heart surgery, you can’t tell me you didn’t get at least a little excited when he went off the top and through the table on Taker, just to have Taker sit right back up (if you missed Raw, just watch the opening segment, was pretty good, or read my recap and it’s like you were sitting there watching it with me).  And then finally, you’ve got the golden opportunity for Roman, and an even bigger opportunity for the 20+ year veteran who is somehow in the best shape of his career and wrestling on a level I honestly don’t think I’ve seen him wrestle at before.  It’s going to be a hell of a night and will surprise just as well as last year’s show did.  And hey, this time we don’t have to watch Sting job to H because #lolWCWlost.

So here we go:

Pre-Show:

Before we get into these matches, I’m going to take two minutes here to just highlight, for anyone who doesn’t watch the preshows, that Booker T is still awesome, Corey Graves is fantastic, and I thoroughly enjoy Renee when she’s not doing kitschy backstage interviews and just gets to be that bad ass chick sitting next to Booker.  5-TIME SUCKA!  I think the PG move sort of took away Lawler’s gimmick, now he’s just a sad old dude in Affliction clothes that tells bad jokes.  Let’s just trade him for Renallo.

The Total Divas vs Team B.A.D & Blonde (10-Diva tag-team match):

Matt:  So I’ll kick this thing off.  Our first match is more of the same from WWE.  The Usos vs The Dudleyz have a match (next) for no reason, yet it will get roughly 5-10 more minutes of screen time than this match which has more than a couple of good performers in it that could carry a singles match, or at the very least a tag team match (Emma and Paige would most definitely have to be a part of it, Emma has come a long way).  They cram a ton of them in the ring at one time and it makes it that much harder to care about it.  No, I don’t like Eva Marie, but I like Paige, Nat and Brie.  I don’t like the majority of Team BAD, but I do like Emma and I’m interested to see what Lana can do (that was not a bad X Factor she pulled a few weeks ago, and I’m a man who is a huge fan of the X Factor) and whether or not she wears ring appropriate attire or if she shows up dressed like a DC Hooker.  I don’t know, I think the Divas take it for the sake of the higher rated series that WWE has right now, but I’m not necessarily all that interested in it (would probably care slightly more if Nikki were healthy, but they wouldn’t subject her to this match).

Jeremy: I wish this was a Survivor Series style match.  I would have no problem with the participants in that case.  Brie Bella could be the Captain of Team Divas and perhaps be the last one standing on her team.  It would be a great way to cap off her career as she retires very soon.  Instead, I think it will be a regular, boring multi-woman tag match just for the sake of including everyone and getting them paid.  I hope some of them get in their signature spots.  This is the death throes of the “Divas devision” and I expect the Total Divas to have one last hurrah.

The Usos vs The Dudley Boyz:

Jeremy:  Ugh…I don’t know.  How is this pre-show match supposed to convince me to watch WM?  Double DQ as I refuse to pick this one.

Matt: Ha, I was actually thrilled that when I did the order that this one was you first.  All mine would have said was, “by this point, both my beers are empty, time for refills.”  When the Usos are on Raw or Smackdown, I am in the kitchen getting another beer or folding laundry.  I care so little about them, and don’t know why they had to bring the Dudleyz back with so many other good tag teams available to them, just to have them lose 1,000 times to the New Day and then just sort of fade to Pre-Show status.  This match will be boring as fuck.  I was going to refrain from foul language in the predictions post, but not here.  I’ll burn my one bad word in this response.

Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal:

WWE has said that 20 competitors will participate in the annual memorial to The Giant.  Currently, the list of participants includes:

• Social Outcasts (Axel, Slater, Rose, Dallas)
• Big Show
• Kane
• Golddust
• R-Truth
• Mark Henry
• Jack Swagger
• Darren Young
• Fandango
• Konnor
• Viktor
• Tyler Breeze
• Damien Sandow
• (Unconfirmed Reports on Wednesday Morning) The Wyatt Family will round out the bunch although that still leaves one spot since there’s no way Luke Harper is ok enough for this.
• (Unconfirmed Reports from Thursday Morning) Cesaro will be the 20th contestant in the Andre.

Matt:  For the sake of the article itself, and because I’ll get to them later, I’m going to disregard the fact that the Wyatts are likely in this tournament.  Mostly because this tournament is what it is, a way to get a bunch of the guys they had nothing bigger for on the Wrestlemania stage, sort of like that 10 Diva Match earlier in the night.  Lots and lots of talent here, don’t get me wrong, but that’s what this is.  It isn’t the Royal Rumble, because the Royal Rumble has HHH and Reigns and legends from days past.  I’ll highlight that I am thoroughly pleased to see both Breeze and Sandow in here.  But I see two potential endings, if we disregard the Wyatts.  Either Mark Henry gets a win here so he can go out with something important after the recent injury scare, or I see Golddust and R-Truth going toe to toe at the end and taking a “Hunger Games” ending and going over simultaneously, finally solidifying The Golden Truth as a team and no longer subjecting us to poorly conceived backstage segments.  Thursday Report Edit:  Cesaro.  All day Cesaro.

Jeremy: If Cesaro is back, it’s him.  If not, I predict Henry or Bray walking away with it.

The Show of Shows:

(I’m not picking favorites, but I was also not going to miss the opportunity to get those Unicorn Horns on here somewhere)

The New Day vs The League of Nations (4 on 3 Handicap Match):

Jeremy:  The rumor mill points to The Rock rounding out the New Day to take on the League of Nations. I think it’s an odd choice, but I can see it.  It limits his involvement, while making the matchup more “fair”.  Perhaps he runs in for the save.  Either way, I’d be surprised if The New Day doesn’t walk out the victors.  I think something is definitely up with this as WWE changed it to a non-title match.  I figured the Freebird rule could still apply even in a 3 on 4 matchup but maybe I’m wrong.

Matt:  I read that, and then was insanely confused by it.  When he did his bit on Raw in January, were they not lined up as enemies?  I don’t know, it makes sense to give the Rock something to do as he’s going to get a massive pop, he can get out of there early enough in the show to still be home in time for his 3:45 alarm to do cardio on Bertha, and it’ll at least add a little something to this match, since it isn’t anything we haven’t seen and the titles aren’t even on the line at Mania.  With Rock, New Day wins this one fairly easily.  Without, no reason why we can’t just get a good ass kicking from the super talented bunch in the opposite corner.

Kalisto vs Ryback (United States Championship):

Matt:  You’re big, I’m little.  You’re smart, I’m dumb.  You’re pretty, I’m not very attractive.  I’ll stop quoting Adam Sandler now, but seriously, the build to this match has been that stupid.  Ryback is 4 feet wide, Kalisto is 4 feet tall.  We get it.  But what you’re failing to realize is that we’ve been on board the Kalisto for US Champ train since John Cena invited him to the station (following his injury of course) and he put on a few great matches with Alberto Del Rio.  No, it hasn’t been as fun having anyone since Cena as the US Champ, because that belt was on the line about as often as could be without a falls count anywhere stipulation like the Hardcore Title had, but Kalisto puts on a good show against opponents who have always outsized him, and if you’re forgetting, Kalisto also beat Goldberg Ryback in the WWE World Heavyweight Championship tournament leading into Survivor Series, a fact that they’ve seemingly decided not to point out.  Ryback will likely get some big moves in, but the scrappy Luchador will find ways to use his speed against The Big Guy.  Kalisto retains.

Jeremy: This is the match that I keep forgetting is on the card.  I like Kalisto and he’s had a good run.  I expect it to continue.  Kalisto retains.  This is a good time to take a bathroom break or get another beer.

Ziggler, Miz, Owens, Sin Cara, Stardust, Zack Ryder and Sami Zayn (7 Man Ladder Match for the Intercontinental Championship):

Matt:  I know I’m going rogue and changing the format here, but this is the match I’m most excited about all night.  Do you know why?  Woo Woo Woo, You Know It.  Zack Ryder is in this match and all signs on the TV broadcasts have made him look strong.  I’m excited about that.  I don’t think they’re going to let him win, unless it’s part of a bigger plan to finally get Mojo up and unleash the Hype Bros on the WWE Universe (Please!!!).  You’ve got to be expecting either Zayn or KO to win here, but the amount of talent in this ring, including the possibility of Sin Cara doing more crazy shit off a ladder, gives this one the most potential to be match of the night even considering the Women’s Triple Threat Match.  He won’t win, but the fact that Zack Ryder is here for the ride makes this one a winner in my book already.  Since I stole the lead here, why don’t you take the next few?

Jeremy:  This is going to be a great match.  I have no idea who walks out the IC champ, which means WWE has actually succeeded in a build up to a match.  Eh…Ryder?  Sin Cara will be down from a botched move off the ladder.  Zayn and Owens have too much beef to not completely lose focus beating each other up.  Stardust and Miz will be distracted by Amell in the front row.  That leaves Ryder for a quick climb up the ladder.

Chris Jericho vs AJ Styles (best out of four is a thing?):

Jeremy:  Styles with the Styles Clash for the win.  I have hope that this will be the best match of the series.

Matt:  You think they’ll let him actually Styles Clash an aging Chris Jericho who will probably have something exciting lined up for Summerslam already?  I see a Phenomenal Elbow (oh my god I hate that), but I think they go big with it and he hits it to the outside of the ring.  When he gets Jericho back in the ring, Jericho tries for something else but Styles counters into the Calf Crusher.  You’ve almost got to beat Jericho with a submission move.  For Styles it’ll be his version of slapping a sharpshooter on Bret Hart.  I take Styles in this one because they’re not going to let him take the L while he’s moving on up and getting this kind of pop this early.  Amazing how it works when the pop is organic.

Becky Lynch, Sasha Banks, Charlotte (Triple Threat Women’s Championship):

Jeremy:  This might be the best match of the night.  I again don’t know who’s going to win.  Early signs pointed to Banks but I really think they could go in any direction with this one and people will be happy.  I think it’s time for Charlotte’s run to be over (for now) but I’m fine with her retaining.  According to reports, this is the end of the Diva’s Championship Belt.  Expect a new Women’s Championship belt on Monday.

Matt:  I made sure to leave you this one, because I know your expectations.  I think Sasha wins, but I think it is going to have something to do with Bayley.  A call up right about now has to lead to another matchup in Brooklyn with the Boss and the Hugster.  Whether Sasha walks away with this at Mania or something happens and she gets a rematch with Charlotte on Raw, Sasha is leaving the great state of Texas with the WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP (YAY!  That’s twice now WWE has done exactly what I’ve promoted on this site.  See also Roman in merch and coming down ramp.)

Brock Lesnar vs Dean Ambrose (No Holds Barred Street Fight):

Jeremy:  Beating Brock is the new “beating the streak.”  Whoever does it, is going to get a massive push.  Whether Dean wins or loses this, he’s going to look strong and be way more popular than he already is.  He is the new king of the Deathmatch (if you don’t believe me, just search YouTube for Jon Moxley).  This match plays to his strengths.  If Dean wins, he would arguably be the top babyface in the company.  Gotta make Roman look strong…I honestly don’t know though.  I want Dean to win.  I feel like Brock will pull out a victory, just barely, making Dean look super strong along the way.  But if Dean doesn’t pull it off in a match he’s suited for, who slays The Beast?

Matt:  This match won’t end.  This is the most logical appearance by the Wyatt Family of the night, given the spat with Brock of late.  This one will not get a legitimate conclusion because then one of them has to lose.  If Ambrose does get to the win here, I want him to come out on Monday Night and have Foley and Funk in the ring to present him the Hardcore Title, because he will sure as hell have earned it.  I mean, they’re already changing one title on Monday, why not bring back the one I’d very much like to see.  Stop teasing me with Barbed Wire and No Holds Barred matches and lets just get a little dirty again.  #AttitudeEraforLife

The Undertaker vs Shane McMahon (Hell in a Cell for control of Monday Night Raw):

Matt:  Yes, it’s two old guys.  But if you missed Raw (go back and watch Raw, or at least the opening), they’re not going to hold anything back, or at least Shane isn’t.  I don’t know how to pick here, because I want Shane to win control of Raw, but I don’t want Undertaker to lose in what could be his final Wrestlemania.  If I’m doing creative, see the dream scenario below.  In actuality, expect a ton of massive pops in this one, expect Shane to jump off of something significantly bigger than the top rope, but expect them to find some way to have Taker come away with the W in case this is his last.

Jeremy:  Here Comes the Money!  Shane was one of the main reasons I watched in the Attitude era.  Change is coming on Monday, whether Shane wins or not.  I think there will be a Dusty finish in this one.  Perhaps VKM has a change of heart after Undertaker brutalizes Shane, perhaps The Wyatts get involved.   I can see Undertaker losing in certain circumstances and still looking strong in the match.  Raw gets rebooted on Monday with Steph and Vince (temporarily) out of the picture.

Triple H vs Roman Reigns (WWE World Heavyweight Championship):

Jeremy: I subscribe to Sam Robert’s theory: Roman follows in Bret Hart’s footsteps in the reluctant heel turn.  We’ve got signs pointing to it.  He’s no longer a man of the people since his return.  He’s coming down the ramp instead of through the crowd.  No smiles, no fist bumps, no tater tot promos.  It really is “One Versus All.”  The “All” includes the fans.  I expect WWE to abandon the immediate babyface plans for Roman.  I think they’ve tried almost everything but it isn’t working.  I think the important part of the match is not who holds the title, but who is face and who is heel at the end of it.  If they are really doing babyface Roman still, I expect Roman to walk out with a chorus of boos.  If they embrace heel Roman, I could see him losing the title to HHH and it being the final straw that puts him over the edge for good.

Matt:  Completely agree with you.  I see that exact scenario as a logical end here.  If Shane pulls out the win, I don’t see a way this show ends without HHH retaining, because it’s the only way to keep him in the picture.  I think Roman has to lose dirty.  Be it someone helping HHH or HHH getting the shot in with the sledgehammer.  Whether he snaps after losing to do the heel turn or he comes to American Airlines for Raw and does it because he’s been screwed two Manias in a row, that turn is coming.  The Babyface in this match is already HHH, Authority or not.

DREAM SCENARIOS:

Matt:  I should probably have clarified this earlier.  I mean, in a dream scenario, 1995 Ultimate Warrior would somehow be resurrected to face an uninjured and unretired Stone Cold Steve Austin or something like that.  Reality still exists folks, but in the realm of possibility, I have gone over 1,000 ways for this show to play out and nearly all of them come from that Bray Wyatt promo I posted the other day.  It loses its luster for the Wyatt Family to do anything cool without Luke Harper, but injuries are such that I’ll ignore that sadness.  If Bray is coming for the Reaper, the Beast and the King, they’re all guaranteed to be there, in big match scenarios where it can do the most damage.  I wouldn’t mind if WM32 turned into the “Wyatt Family Raises Hell” show.  I’ve already got my Suplex City Dallas shirt packed, but even I’m going to be upset if that match ends with a Lesnar win.  I want a Shane win without sullying the Taker legacy.  And I almost have a burning need for Triple H to walk out of Mania with the belt to see how the Shane-HHH story plays out with Shane in charge and H as the champion, plus HHH is one hell of a face right now even when he’s trying to be an asshole.  The Wyatts are the answer to all three, especially given the threat to take out The Reaper, The Beast and The King in order to bring down the Machine.  You’ve got no DQ in the first two.  So they can essentially do whatever they want.  And with Wyatt still hellbent on “Anyone but you, Roman” anything they do to cause a disturbance in the Title match fits.  He doesn’t have to help The Game for HHH to retain, he just has to interfere while the ref is on his feet and looking.  Any DQ and Triple H can keep the belt, without Roman having to lose.  This serves two other purposes: 1) Roman doesn’t get booed out of Texas and 2) does the story not write itself that he’s been screwed out of a title win at Mania two years in a row?  There’s my dream scenario for this show, WYATTMANIA!

RUN!

Jeremy:  What Matt predicted but with Roman joining the Wyatt family at the end of Mania.  They cut off Harper’s beard while he’s recovering and just paste it on Reigns.