I’m Goin’ Down to New Orleans – WWE Wrestlemania 34 (2018) Predictions – 4/8/2018

We’re headed to the Crescent City as the WWE returns to the Silverd…..Superdome for Wrestlemania 34 live from New Orleans this Sunday.  This card is obscenely stacked, so let’s not waste anybody’s time and get straight into these predictions.

The Wrestlemania Kickoff Show

We’ll get three matches from the first two hours of our six day card.

Cedric Alexander vs Mustafa Ali for the Cruiserweight Championship

Matt:  Can I say “both these guys”?  No, ok.  The easy money is probably on Cedric Alexander, but I’m going with my heart through this card, so I’m picking Mustafa Ali with the 0-5-4 to become the next Cruiserweight Champion.  I’ve long lobbied for Ali, and they’ve done a lot of great things building him up en route to NOLA, so who knows, maybe this will be my “Zack Ryder Wins the Intercontinental Championship” moment for this year.

Jeremy: I think Ali is just killing it. His self-produced promos are the best.  But, I feel like Alexander is going to win it.  I know Matt is happy with both these guys, but I prefer Ali.  Hopefully, these two prove why they should be on the main card next year.

Women’s Wrestlemania Battle Royal

Matt:  I honestly don’t know.  I’d like to see someone like Sonya Deville get a nudge.  I’m going to go with a more expected outcome though, and say that this one is going to be straight fire.  Becky Lynch gets the win here.

Jeremy:  They’d do well to setup new feuds for the new year in wrestling. Barring that, I’m just going to pick Becky.  Beyond that, I assume we’re getting more of the Bayley and Banks feud.  I think there was a real thought that they might do a match at Mania. Now that they pulled the trigger with no room on the card, they will try to stretch it out until Summerslam.  I hope they can maintain that.

Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Matt:  I could see Woken Matt Hardy walking out with the trophy honoring HUMONGOUS Wonder Number Eight.  I don’t necessarily know that they’re going to give it to Golddust even though he’s randomly had some build going into this.  Probably a good spot to showcase one of the guys that will get called up, so let’s say Andrade “Cien” Almas gets the win here.

Jeremy:  The whole Woken Universe is going to be in the Royale, except Queen Rebecca and Señor Benjamin is going to win it.

WWE Wrestlemania 34

Alexa Bliss (C) vs Nia Jax for the Raw Women’s Championship

Matt:  I like the empowerment story that Nia can tell with a win here, but at the same time I don’t know that you dethrone Alexa in this scenario.  Alexa Bliss retains.

Jeremy:  I think Nia is going to destroy Alexa. I think this has more to do with good PR than building a great match.  You shouldn’t body shame!  Look what happens to people who body shame!  The only way Nia doesn’t walk out as the new women’s is when Carmella cashes in and pins Alexa.  Carmella is your new Raw Women’s Champion!

The Bar (Cesaro & Sheamus)(C) vs Braun Strowman & PTBN for the Raw Tag Team Championship

Matt:  There are so many options for who you could pair with Braun.  I’m not necessarily opposed to the rumored ones, such as Rey Mysterio or Woken Bray Wyatt, but some part of me is hoping for a massive surprise return here, such as Brother Nero or Dean Ambrose.  I think Strowman and Ambrose would make a hell of a fun tag team.  Strowman and his Partner to Be Named are the new Raw Tag Team Champions because it’s f’n time to put a strap on Braun Strowman, if only so he can use it as a weapon.

Jeremy:  There’s been a lot of names floating around for Braun’s partner. Who has two fists and has a fighting chance of being Braun’s partner? James Ellsworth. He won’t get tagged in. He’s basically going to be Braun’s cheerleader. Braun and James will become the new Raw Tag Team Champions. James will never touch the championship. Braun will carry both and reluctantly tag with Ellsworth for a couple of months. It’s going to be great.

I’m prepared to be disappointed.

SmackDown Tag Team Champions The Usos vs. The New Day vs. The Bludgeon Brothers (Triple Threat Match)

Matt:  If I am being completely honest, leave the belts where they are.  The Usos are killing it right now, and considering how long they’ve been around without having Mania moments outside of Andre appearances, let them retain here in another great match.  As good as we know The Usos and The New Day are in the ring together, the level of talent in the third team should not slow them down in the slightest.  The Usos retain, cut a promo on Tuesday night about having taken out all the tag teams, AoP debuts.

Jeremy:  I’ll be honest. I haven’t been watching SD. I just read Matt’s recaps.  That being said, I don’t think the New Day need it.  I think maybe the Bludgeon Brothers win this just for a Wrestlemania surprise?

Randy Orton (C) vs Bobby Roode vs Jinder Mahal vs Rusev for the United States Championship


Jeremy:  It’s going to wonderful when Rusev wins the US Championship on Rusev Day!

The Miz (C) vs Finn Balor vs Seth Rollins for the Intercontinental Championship

Matt:  I’m torn here.  I’d like to see Miz hold on and break that record for longest reigning IC Champion of all time, but at the same time, the guy slaughtered it in 2017, he’s due some paternity leave.  There’s an awful lot of story between Rollins and Balor, enough so that I would really enjoy seeing them battle for a while and eventually become tag partners out of respect for one another.  If it’s the Demon, Balor wins.  I don’t think it will be, and The Architect is the new Intercontinental Champion.  Seth Rollins.  An amazingly large stage for a full Demon entrance though, don’t you think?

Jeremy:  I really don’t know who’s going to win between Balor and Rollins.  I think Miz is going to get a bit of time off to be with Maryse and his new daughter.  He’s had an amazing couple of years and really deserves a few weeks of rest.  That being said, it’s anyone’s guess. If I have to pick someone, I’d have to pick Finn.  If the demon comes out though, I’ll know for sure. The demon isn’t needed for this Mania. I think they should save it for the next one.

Charlotte (C) vs Asuka for the Smackdown Women’s Championship

Matt:  I’m secretly expecting this one to steal the show.  I have wanted this match since they made the announcement for the women’s royal rumble match.  Charlotte is an other worldly talent.  If they are going to have anyone on the roster end the Asuka streak, she’s the only one I can honestly say I’m going to be ok with.  I think letting Asuka take the win in the MMC was foreshadowing that The Queen will reign supreme on Sunday night.  This is not going to be the popular decision, and I’m going against the major rumor that Asuka is going to stay undefeated until she is challenged by Rousey next year in NY/NJ, but Charlotte Flair retains the Smackdown Women’s Championship.  WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Jeremy: I think this match will be great.  I have a strong feeling that Asuka is going to make Charlotte tap out and become the new Smackdown Women’s Champion.  I wish I could say that I have strong feelings why that this is the case, but I don’t.

Shane McMahon & Daniel Bryan vs Sami Zayn & Kevin Owens

Matt:  There’s no sense in debating it, Daniel Bryan will not lose his first match back.  It won’t happen.  Plus, this story has run its course and there’s nowhere really for Zayn-Owens on Smackdown anymore.  Send them to Raw so you can refresh them a bit with new matches.  Daniel Bryan and Shane win, as Shane jumps off something onto Owens while Bryan pins Zayn.  

Jeremy:  Shane eats the pin here. With his recent medical issues, this is an easy match to write that keeps everyone looking good.  If there’s any surprise here, Daniel Bryan is pinning Owens and they’ll find some arbitrary reason to rehire them on Tuesday.  Still, I’m going with Zayn getting the pin on Shane.

Kurt Angle & Ronda Rousey vs Stephanie McMahon & Triple H

Matt:  Much like with DB, I don’t imagine any scenario where Rousey drops her in ring debut.  Rousey and Angle pick up the win, Angle undoubtedly gets fired for it on Monday.

Jeremy:  There’s no way Rhonda and Angle are losing. The big question is if Angle has better cardio and if Rhonda is able to adapt quick enough to the business.  I hope so.  I have no doubt Steph and Hunter can hold up their end.  Rousey makes Steph tap.

Will The Undertaker Accept Cena’s Challenge?

Matt:  I don’t want this to happen, if we’re being completely honest.  The “Retirement” to close out Mania 33 was far too perfect.  He left it all in the ring for all those years, and finally left everything to close the show, fist held high as he descended into history.  However, they wouldn’t have wasted our time for weeks now with Cena begging if it wasn’t going to happen, so let’s just assume it will.  At that point, I don’t know how you pick it.  Does Undertaker have to keep coming back until he loses again?  Is it worth bringing him back now that he’s already “passed the torch”?  Is this a passing of the torch to our new once a year marquee part-timer?  I don’t know.  Does this match happen just because there wasn’t anything else creative could come up with for Cena?  I don’t know.  When the match goes down, maybe it’s so Undertaker can go out with one last win.  Cena also has a tendency to lose when I’m in attendance (I mean, Alberto Del Rio, seriously?), so The Undertaker.  

Jeremy:  Neither one of them need a win here. It will be cool to see Taker once more.  For the sake of his match last year though, I’d rather see American Badass.  He doesn’t have the same mainstream appeal but it keeps the retirement of The Deadman sacred.  It’s time for one Last Ride.  Cena squeaks out a win here, and Mean Mark rides his bike out of the Superdome to a somber Kid Rock performance, never to be seen again.

AJ Styles (C) vs Shinsuke Nakamura for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

Matt:  In the should be main event match, it’s not going to matter who wins, because either way this match is going to be incredible.  Either way, whomever walks out of this one with the belt will likely face Daniel Bryan at Summerslam.  Some part of me thinks you let Shinsuke take that belt and send AJ to Raw, mostly because I want him back on the brand with Balor and The Club.  Shinsuke Nakamura.

Jeremy:  To me, this is the toughest to call.  Nak won the last time this match happened in the Tokyo Dome.  This is easily the match that could steal the night.  I’m going to put my money on AJ, simply because Nak won the last time. I know Vince doesn’t care about New Japan, so it’s not because of that.  I just think AJ will simply win because he’s made everyone look amazing since he’s been here.

Brock Lesnar (C) vs Roman Reigns for the Universal Championship

Matt:  Roman wins, Lesnar disappears for 6 months while he’s getting past his remaining UFC suspension time.  I don’t want this to main event, mostly because I don’t want to be there for another round of Roman booing to close out a Wrestlemania.

Jeremy:  Barring Carmella cashing in on the match and making it the weirdest triple threat ever, Roman gets his third coronation in a row.  Vince will make us like Roman, god dammit.

Final Thoughts

Matt:  This card is so insanely packed, I don’t really expect any surprises.  Rumor has The Rock showing up to be part of a singing segment with Elias, which I’d be ok with if it didn’t mean we were serving up Elias to eat a Rock Bottom (and because I don’t want to have to see anymore promotional material for Rampage if I can avoid it).  I’m really excited to see which of the NXT stars get to compete in the Andre, and hope they give the Cruiserweights ample time to shine in the kickoff.

Jeremy:  The card maybe predictable but it sure is an exciting card.  Who knows, maybe there’s a surprise or two up their sleeves.  The biggest surprise is if Carmella doesn’t cash in by the end of the night.