Money in the Bank (Must be Nice) – The Dark Match Predicts Money in the Bank 2017

Money in the Bank is live from St. Louis, but before we get to Missouri, let’s make some predictions.

Kickoff Show

The Hype Bros vs The Colons

Matt:  Let’s first pat me on the back, as I managed to call them The Colons rather than the Puerto Rican Tourism Board.  But who even gives a shit that they are part of this match.  Long Island Iced Z is back and it’s time for the Hype Bros to reclaim their rightful place as the Number One Contenders, a spot they never lost, that just got put on hold.  Woo Woo Woo, and the momentum of the Hype Train starts to build back up.  The Hype Bros

Jeremy:  No question about it.  The Hype Bros are back.  They might as well have booked them against local talent.

Money in the Bank 2017 – Main Card

Women’s Money in the Bank Match – Charlotte, Natalya, Carmella, Tamina & Becky Lynch

Matt:  First, I’m putting this match here because of where I’m thinking it might fall on the card, as they’ll probably bookend this show with the two matches and there’s no way they kick off with the men.  I do think that if this does end up opening the show, we’re going to see a cash in almost immediately in the night when Lana defeats Naomi, but we’ll get to that prediction shortly.  Additionally, what in the hell is with Tamina in this picture?  Like, that’s not even remotely Tamina as she’s presented any other time.  Anyway, I’m probably going with the underdog here because in my heart I know that it seems most likely that Charlotte will pick this one up, but I’m going with Carmella.  Unfortunately that means more Ellsworth and this gimmick sucks, but I’d like to see them utilize all of the talent on the roster.  Somehow it’s going to be because of Ellsworth doing something to Becky Lynch, because that match is going to happen at some point in the near future.  And remember what happened the last time I took a massive underdog in a big ladder match, Zack Ryder became Intercontinental Champion (for a day).  Carmella

Jeremy:  I think Carmella needs the briefcase more than anyone else.  It’s the same reason she needs Ellsworth around.  At the same time, I don’t see her as women’s champion anytime soon.  Maybe that’s shortsighted of me.  She doesn’t seem ready in the way that Lana is instantly ready without having a main roster match.  I feel like Becky is almost going to win and Ellsworth is going to mess it all up.  I’m sure Matt wrote something similar.  Carmella will get the case.  If I could have a second choice, it would be Natalya.  I feel like she would make it important.  Maybe that’s what we need.  Ok.  I’m officially changing my pick to Natalya.

The Usos vs The New Day for the Smackdown Tag Team Championship

Matt:  I almost don’t want to type too much here, because it’ll just digress into how much I dislike the Usos, but I’ll avoid that and simply say, but Jesus Xavier Woods is jacked.  You don’t ever really notice it because he’s out there with Big E, but good God.  I think this one will be Xavier and Big E under the Freebird Rule, because I think they’ll still keep Kofi on light work given his ankle surgery.  Ohhhhhhhhhh St. Louis, don’t you dare be sour, clap for your world famous THREE TIME CHAMPS and feel the power.  New Day are your new Smackdown Tag Team Champions.

Jeremy: The Usos retain after Rikishi runs over Stone Cold Steve Austin in the parking lot again.  Why are they reenacting an old bit from the Attitude Era?  I don’t know, but the New Day is distraught and are unable to get it together to win the match.  The Usos retain.

Jinder Mahal vs Randy Orton for the WWE World Heavyweight Chapmionship

Matt:  Again, these are probably in a terrible order, but I’m trying to pace the show and this makes the most sense.  Jinder has a world of momentum and the second most populous nation on Earth behind him.  Plus, aside from the automated USA response he got when he decided to speak Punjabi and talk shit about America, he got a hell of an ovation when he made his entrance for the dark match at the Smackdown in Atlanta that I attended.  Orton is also fighting an uphill battle because he’s in his hometown, and that shit is cursed.  I think Jinder wins, and come July 4th, Jinder enters into a “You Don’t Talk Shit About America” feud with Mr. USA himself, John Cena, who will take his 17th and record World Championship at Summerslam this year, and yes, I’m extremely excited to see Jinder and Cena work matches together.  Jinder Mahal retains on distraction from the Singh Brothers (Bollywood Boyz)

Jeremy:  It’s Randy’s home town so the deck is stacked against him.  I’ve also really enjoyed Jinder’s reign so far.  Let’s keep this rolling until Battleground, at least.  I also think that the Singh Brothers are going to play a part in the decision of this match.  Hopefully this time Randy doesn’t accidentally almost murder one of them like he did last month.  Jinder Mahal.  I would accept the return of Handsome Rusev to draw out a DQ as well.

Naomi vs Lana for the Smackdown Women’s Championship

Matt:  I’m picking Lana here.  They’re making entirely too much of a kayfabe fuss about Lana just automatically getting a title shot when she’s never wrestled a match for her not to get the win to prove herself.  I’m going to make a more bold prediction here because I sort of blew this one early in the post.  I think Carmella attempts to cash in, but Rusev helps Lana pick up the win and locks the Accolade on James Ellsworth to close this segment.  The real winner here, all of us because that means Ru Ru is back.  Lana is the new Women’s Champion

Jeremy:  This is going one of two ways:  1) Naomi wins but with a strong showing from Lana.  2)  Lana wins and there’s an immediate cash-in.  I think one of these briefcases are going to be cashed in tonight before the show goes off the air.  I feel like this women’s match is a likely target.  For now, I am going to go with Naomi via pinfall.

Money in the Bank Match – Dolph Ziggler, Sami Zayn, Kevin Owens, AJ Styles, Shinsuke Nakamura, & Baron Corbin

Matt: This one is tough for me to pick because I make all my predictions based on the scenarios I would love to see Creative actually make happen.  We’ll call it Dream Booking Predictions.  In my dream world, AJ Styles wins this briefcase, and AJ Styles waits until Summerslam to cut short John Cena’s celebratory reign as 17 Time WWE Champion.  This to set up another Cena-Styles championship match at Survivor Series.  Can you imagine?  Survivor Series headlined by a rematch of the Cena-Styles match from last year’s Summerslam?  How awesome does that sound?  I’m almost certain that Shinsuke Nakamura will be given this one, but let’s just lock in my pick for the guy who has carried Smackdown for as long as it has been Live, AJ Styles.

Jeremy:  Sure, “The Face That Holds The Case” would be a fun new title for AJ Styles but he’s on a whole other level.  I’ve been thinking about this match for a little while and I think it’s the perfect opportunity for Sami Zayn.  It’ll elevate him from the mid card into the World Title scene.  He deserves to be there but it always needs the right story.  This is the right story.  When he cashes in on a heel champion, it’s going to be electric.  To quote Pat Patterson in trying to pitch Dolph winning the briefcase years ago, “The people will go banana!”

Closing Thoughts and Wild Predictions:

Matt:  All six men are down during the Money in the Bank match and Roman Reigns runs to the ring and collects the briefcase.  I kid, obviously, as they’d never be able to write the appropriate creative to pull that off.  I think it is going to be one hell of a show, and there’s really not a match on this card that stands out as a potential dud.  I’ve been keeping up with the videos of Lana working at the PC and on NXT house shows.  She’s actually pretty damn good.  Honestly, she has the potential to make Naomi look bad.  I don’t like The Usos, but they match up well with New Day.  And the amount of talent in this ladder match is absolutely insane.  Should be a good show, and I’m really looking forward to it.

Jeremy:  As I mentioned in my predictions, I think we are getting one cash in and one that will wait awhile.  With all the talk about a big final Brooklyn Summerslam, I’d guess that one of the holders is going to wait until then to cash in.  Other than that, I miss Rusev and I hope he’s back tonight.