The Words are Written on the Wall – Smackdown Live London – May 9, 2017

Let’s get it London.  Unlike Jeremy’s entirely fair assessment of last night’s Raw being relatively meaningless in the grand scheme of things, Smackdown’s got a PPV next weekend, so they don’t have time to waste just because they’re prerecorded in London (I mean, it’s Smackdown, they’re used to working from behind spoilers).  The O2 Arena plays host to another night of WWE entertainment, and this one kicks off with The Viper, so Jinder isn’t far behind with the Bollywood Boyz in tow.

Kevin Owens, the face of a true American (and I mean that in all sincerity.  Have you looked around lately?), joins the fray.  Bring us a fourth and it’ll be the Teddy Long Special, a Tag Team Match……what’s that?

They don’t want none indeed.  How bout that, AJ makes four.  Baron Corbin attempts to get in on it, but Sami Zayn attacks him from behind.  Now all six are going at it.  Eventually, AJ, Orton and Zayn stand tall in the ring with the three heels on the outside.  And that’s your opening segment.

Let’s Hit That Stuff in the Middle

  • During the break from the opening segment, Commissioner Shane McMahon announced that the six men involved will indeed be in a six man tag match in the main event, not that you didn’t see that coming.
  • Becky Lynch w/ Naomi & Charlotte vs Natalya w/Ellsworth, Natalya & Tamina:  Natalya’s compatriots bring it back from the commercial break sh** talking the British for their, how should I put this, aesthetic appeal and bad teeth.  Natalya enters, followed by Naomi who got the weakest ovation I’ve heard for her from any crowd in months, probably since Team BAD ended, but it got a little more as she was out to work as the hype man for Lynch.  They were a little quiet for Becky too.  This crowd does not have the fire of the Raw crowd last night.  They were honestly obnoxious, but I feel like these ladies deserve more love than they’re getting here.  Charlotte joins the fray, I guess we’re making sure everyone on the roster gets some time in front of the London crowd tonight.  Charlotte and Naomi ended up distracting Lynch costing her the match.  Natalya wins via roll up.   On a side note, I have decided that I will start calling this face team NBC.
  • Fashion Files Episode 2.  I’m not recapping it.  You owe it to yourself to watch it.
  • Luke Harper vs Erick Rowan:  Commentary is spending an awful lot of time pre-match talking up how dangerous an unleashed Erick Rowan is.  I won’t lie to you, I’m already disappointed that this is where they’re sticking Harper again even after he was in a Number One Contendership storyline with AJ Styles just before Wrestlemania.  Like, seriously, do the right thing with this guy, he’s absolutely awesome.  Anyway, crowd got a little more fire under them during this one, but still not great, and I guess they were trying to foreshadow the ending as Erick Rowan capitalized on a distracted referee and did some sort of weird spinning body slam thing.  Erick Rowan wins via pinfall.  
  • “Dolph Ziggler addresses Shinsuke Nakamura”:  Ziggler came to the ring in a pair of Vans and a dress blazer over his pink merch tee, so you knew out of the gate that there wouldn’t be an actual match.  This exists solely so the O2 crowd would get to see Shinsuke’s entrance.  At first I was confused as to why they would serve up Ziggler for this feud, but having seen the dark match at Smackdown after Mania, they’re going to electrify at Backlash.  They’re sticking with “The Artist” label for Nakamura, as dumb as that is.  This marks the only moment where this crowd really seemed to have a pulse.  They tease a match, but Ziggler pulls up as usual in these situations to issue the challenge for the PPV, so they’ll finally have a match come Backlash.  They do brawl a bit, but nothing particularly special.
  • Breezango vs The Ascension:  This was a build up match for Breezango’s Tag Team title opportunity, and the London crowd most definitely loved them.  Breezango wins via pinfall.  The Usos came out to talk about how they were going to beat down Breezango.  I f***ing hate The Usos, they get worse and worse and worse.  Take the belts from them and never give them a microphone again.
  • Mojo Rawley leads a group of kids on a backstage tour.  It was a really weird segment.
  • Rusev has not heard from Shane O’ regarding his demanded title opportunity, but rather than make good on his threat and returning to Bulgaria, he will be in Manchester, NH on Tuesday for Smackdown.  Way to back down, p*ssy.

The Main Event – 6 Man Tag Match

This match is exactly what you think it was.  Six guys who all have matches against someone on the other team at Backlash (I don’t know that they’ve actually said Corbin-Zayn will happen at Backlash, but let’s be real, it’s going down) each with a few minutes of opportunity to look strong and then simultaneously get beat down.  Sami took the brunt of the beating.  There didn’t have to be a lot of stakes here so much as just give each guy some time to shine.  The finish was sort of lackluster, as it went into one of those each of the six guys hits a finishing maneuver and Mahal, the guy that ate the first one (a Blue Thunderbomb from Zayn) got his in on his Backlash opponent and won the match.  Mahal, Owens and Corbin win via pinfall over Randy Orton.