We run this motha’, yeah! – Smackdown Recap – June 27, 2017

Yes, that’s Beyonce, but in the face of the women’s revolution I would never call any of these fierce competitors girls.  We’re in San Diego tonight as the women’s division is on full display, with a rematch of the tarnished original Money in the Bank match and a Women’s Championship rematch both taking place this evening.  Also, my back is a little sore, so I took some pain meds.  Let’s get weird, and hell yeah we’re going to Beyonce the sh** out of this thing because why not?  We have a broad audience, I think…. maybe.

So, no matter what happens tonight, James Ellsworth will forever be the winner of the inaugural Women’s Money in the Bank match.

We kick off tonight with Daniel Bryan talking up the fantastic events that will take place this evening for the women’s division, but upon mentioning the Money in the Bank match Carmella and Ellsworth join him to continue the whining parade.  (Carmella’s performance on Talking Smack last week was fantastic.  I like the fire she’s got this evening, but that was such a rounded character last Tuesday night and she’s finally taken the microphone for herself rather than having Ellsworth do most of the talking.)

I desperately hope Ellsworth’s contract is nearing expiration.  I’m exhausted with them trying to make this work.  Ellsworth’s allure was that he was the local talent (seemingly local to 90 different major US cities) that showed up and it was fun to love him for a novelty act.  He’s not a sustainable character.

To make sure Ellsworth has no part in the Money in the Bank match this time, he’s escorted from the building by a number of security guards.

Everything you own in the box to the left

• Hype Bros vs The Usos – If the Hype Bros win tonight, they’ll be given a Tag Team Championship opportunity.  For those of you who haven’t been watching and don’t remember, the Bros of Hype became Number One Contenders in the same match where Zack Ryder hurt his knee.  Long Island Iced Z and the Human Hype Machine come out firing, but The Usos take over before the first mid-match commercial break of the evening.  Fortunately, they give us the tiny split screen so we can watch the Usos beat on Zack Ryder.  I don’t know what happened, but they came back from commercial as one of The Usos was getting the pinfall to take away the chance of the Hype Bros getting a title shot.
• The New Day are here too!  As Zack and Mojo roll out of the ring following their loss, The New Day head to the ring.  Unfortunately this means we had to listen to The Usos talk.  This turned in to some sort of weird rap battle, I think.  I’m not sure, I’m uncultured.  In case you didn’t already expect it, we’ll get a rematch for the Tag Team Championship at Battleground in a few weeks.
• Did you watch season 1 of Shooter on the USA Network?  Neither did I, but they want to make sure you know season 2 starts on July 18th.
• John Cena is back next week.  You know who’s excited….that’s right.  It’s Beyonce.

• Fashion Vice: The Interrogation –  The Fashion Police is on the case, and this time they’re trying to figure out why The Ascension attacked Tyler Breeze at Money in the Bank.  Apparently it wasn’t The Ascension who attacked him, and whoever the real culprits are trashed the Fashion Police headquarters again while they were questioning their perps.  The Ascension did make off with two tickets to paradise, as Fandango attempted to compel their compliance by offering them two tickets to an Eddie Money concert.

Rise up, rise up little woman

Naomi defends the Smackdown Women’s Championship against Lana

Lana came to play.  I don’t know what the point in giving her this bad ass sit-out powerbomb as a finisher is if she’s gotten a kick out both times she’s used it.  And this time, coming right out of it, Naomi hits a quick kick to the face followed by that springboard frog splash and wins this match in under a minute.  Naomi retains the championship.  What the hell just happened?  I actually feel sort of ripped off.

I am the dragon breathing fire, beautiful mane, I am the lion

• Aiden English serenades the audience for a few minutes before he is interrupted by Randy Orton’s theme.  Good for English, I mean, he’s drawn a pretty damn solid spot on the card opposite the 13 time champion…..commercial break….I was mistaken.  English ate an RKO during the commercial break, this was not a match.  Randy is simply sitting in a chair in the middle of the ring, refusing to leave before he gets Jinder Mahal.  He wants a title match, of course.  Shane O’Mac comes out, instead of Jinder.  Orton doesn’t look pleased.  Shane grants him the rematch, at Battleground, but he’s allowing Jinder the opportunity to choose the stipulation…so time for the Punjabi Prison match.  Jinder steps out from the back to the stage to trash on the USA and decide on his stipulation.  Oh, guess what, it’s a Punjabi Prison match.
• Next week, in honor of the 4th of July, we’ll get an Independence Day Battle Royal and the winner will get a shot at the United States Championship at Battleground.
• This f***ing Mike and Maria Kanellis thing again.  What the hell is this crap?  Get it off my TV.  Sami Zayn’s entrance interrupts them to head to the ring for his scheduled match, and he don’t give a damn.  Thank God.

• Sami Zayn vs Mr. Money in the Bank Baron Corbin – This isn’t anything you haven’t see a few times already.  Sami Zayn tends to get the better of Corbin, but that was prior to him becoming Mr. MitB, so maybe they’ll give him a handful of wins to get the momentum rolling.  Even if he loses, Baron Corbin beat the hell out of Sami through a significant portion of this match.  You may not have noticed because of the mini-split screen it was playing on, but Corbin whipped him into the corner so hard that he bounced out and basically barrel rolled half way back across the ring.  Nakamura is shown watching the match in the backstage area, hopefully we’re going to get to a feud with Corbin because that could be a great couple of matches.  End of Days and that’s all she wrote.  Baron Corbin picks up the win via pinfall.
• Interested in some Shinsuke Nakamura cosplay?  Apparently WWE is banking on you being interested, because they’ve released a replica Shinsuke jacket.  It is available here.
• Uh, next week The New Day will apparently have an actual rap battle against The Usos.  Were there no contract signings to fill TV time with?

Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Side Chicks

Charlotte vs Carmella vs Tamina vs Becky Lynch vs Natalya in a Women’s Money in the Bank Ladder Match

The bell rang at 9:34 PM EST, meaning they’ve allotted a half hour to this match, entrances and all.  They probably could have afforded 5 minutes or so to the Women’s Championship match, because that was incredibly lackluster.

The women are at a slight disadvantage with these ladders, not because they are women, but because they are short.  It’s hard to get leverage to maneuver the ladders, such as when Becky tried to lift the taller ladder from it’s side when it’s three times as tall as you are.  They also don’t seem to use the flimsier ladders anymore.  These appear to have some body to them, they don’t look like thick aluminum foil.

Also, why does the main event match of the night not get the small split screen during the numerous commercial breaks it is undoubtedly going to take?  Seems odd.  Why not do that during all commercials when there is a match going on?  It isn’t like you have to do anything.  The cameras are still rolling and the feed is still there for broadcast.  Just broadcast it.

Hahahaha, read the comments on this tweet.  But yeah, it was terrible.

She’s never looked more at-home… #SDLive #MITB @TaminaSnuka ? pic.twitter.com/mzvsGHyWN9

— WWE (@WWE) June 28, 2017

Alright, 9:46 and we’ve already gone to our second commercial break.

Carmella was alone in the ring for a lengthy period of time, but she spent several minutes setting the ladder up, and by setting the ladder up I mean she was walking back and forth from side to side and barely adjusting it time and again before making an effort to climb.  As she gets to the briefcase, her four competitors each grab a corner of the ladder and carry her away from the target.

Charlotte, on the other hand, used the ladder to beat the hell out of Tamina, but as she scaled the ladder, Carmella was back up and on her tail.  Tamina, still under the ring, bench pressed the ladder over and threw Carmella and Charlotte into the ring ropes (you could see Charlotte rocking back and forth to shift the weight and get it going).

Tamina hit both a spear and a super kick in this match, so she’s apparently trying to steal the entirety of Charlotte’s move set to add to her usual punch, punch, kick in ring sequence.

With everyone down, James Ellsworth would emerge from the audience and start up the ladder.  Becky Lynch isn’t taking that sh** this time.  She pushes the ladder over and Ellsworth straddles the top rope.  Becky makes a move up the ladder but Carmella stops her, and Becky tweaks her knee coming off the ladder.  Carmella gets a steel chair and goes back after her.

Carmella is, once again, Ms. Money in the Bank.  

That’s the end of our evening.  A decent Smackdown Live, though it’s always disappointing when you don’t get an AJ Styles match.  I do wish the Women’s Championship hadn’t been limited to about 90 seconds of television time, but we shall see how the story continues on this briefcase situation since Ellsworth did play a role in the match again, and Carmella needed a chair to pick up the win.

I’ll see you throughout the week.  Now stop reading and go watch 205 Live.