For the Children – A SmackDown Live Recap for September 6, 2016

This episode takes place in Nebraska in front of a great crowd.  And with good reason.

In an alternate universe, this episode starts out with AJ still crotched on the ropes from last week.  On top of that, they do all the matches with him still there.  And next week, it replaces his video in the SmackDown Live open.

But alas, we don’t live in that universe.  He removed himself from the ropes like Apple removed the headphone jack from the iPhone 7.  That last sentence is particularly effective if you read it in Mauro Renallo’s voice.  Here at the dark match, we too can be ridiculously topical.

Do it for the Children

Tonight sets up the finals for the Tag Team titles, which is what I’m most excited about for this Sunday.

Slater and Rhyno Vs. The Hype Bros

Sometimes WWE can surprise you.  Heath has been killing it with his Free Agent gimmick, floating between Smackdown and Raw.  With the addition of Rhyno, I was skeptical.

If you asked me a couple of weeks ago if I thought Slate and Rhyno should win the tag championship, I would have laughed.  I assumed that it would be just as loopsided as Alabama Vs. USC in favor of American Alpha.  I was wrong.

They’re telling a story here.  I want to see perennial loser Slater win a championship.  I want to see Rhyno and Heath tag some more.  They have a good, yet strange, chemistry.

I know Matt’s not a big fan of them taking down the Hype Bros, but it’s not over for them just yet.

And Heath brought his family tonight, basically every redheaded kid in Nebraska.

American Usos

Usos are boring, right?  Uso boring.

I assumed, without looking at the brackets, that the Usos would be in the finals with American Alpha.  I assumed we’d get the best match out of those guys than we’ve seen in a long time.

Imagine my surprise when I realize that this was going down in the semi-final.  And we didn’t get a good match either.  It was practically straight into a Grand Amplitude for an American Alpha win.  But just like the end of a M. Night Shyamalan movie,  there was a twist.  A twist of a heel.  A heel turn.

Despite the Usos being over with children and the belief by most smarks that they wouldn’t go heel, here we are, living in a universe where the Usos are heels.  They savagely attacked Chad Gable, intending to hurt his knee.

So although American Alpha won, they are unable to compete on Sunday.  Gable will be out from 2-4 weeks on a sprained MCL (thankfully kayfabe).  In a weird twist, the Usos will fight The Hype Bros for a 2nd chance to make it to the final with Heath and the Human Gore Machine.

Put ‘Em in a Tag Match, Playa

Smackdown started with a kind of clunky Open Forum with the women insulting each other while each stating their case why they’re going to win.  The best part about it is the 6-Pack challenge is going to be an elimination.  I’m totally down for that.

Nattie seemed particularly annoying here.  She’s a great worker but her character doesn’t seem real at all.

DB, announces we will have 6 Women tag match later in the show.  Seems like Teddy Long booking to me.

The match itself is fine.  Carmella gets the pinfall after some shenanigans from Bliss.

Carmella is coming into her own and is feeling natural here.  I’m looking forward to watching her grow over the next few months.  And Bliss has been fantastic, I hope Sunday gives her a chance to shine.

And the Rest

• AJ walks around fuming about getting crotched last week.  He berates and breaks the personal property of several WWE employees before getting his revenge on Ambrose with a swift kick to the crotch.  The buildup to this match has been cornier than a Mauro Renallo topical reference.
• Randy Orton tells a long story about a snake and a hunter after the same rabbit.  Snake wins.
• Bray Wyatt also tells a long story in a room with too much smoke machine.
• Miz has a serviceable match with Apollo with Dolph on commentary.  Miz puts him away with a Skull Crushing Finale.  Dolph tries to scare him off.  Miz sends in Maryse to collect the IC title while Ziggler does his best John McEnroe impression.
• Fandango has a segment teaching an audience member to dance.  When he asks for a second volunteer, Kane is sent out to end the segment with a chokeslam.  Kane got a huge pop with “Go Big Red” chants.  It’s a nice take on the enhancement talent gimmick they’ve been doing on Raw.

And I’m saving Chrisley for Matt’s excellent article.  It was only a matter of time.